Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Reformation Day

I wanted to teach the kids about the reformation, in honor of Reformation Day. . . I wanted to do activities and color pictures and, I don't know, read a book. But, I thought, "It might be old for them, this would all be better when they are a little more mature. When they can understand."

And I'm lazy. So. Oh, and disorganized. That helps, too.

But tonight, as I emphasized the children's need for sleep, I reminded them that tomorrow is a big day. "What Day?"

"Reformation Day!" I say enthusiastically.

"What's that?"

And what poors out of my mouth but the most perfect for Micah explanation of the very basics of the 95 theses. I love the Holy Spirit, the things that I said made me cry and Amy say,"Why are you having tears?"

I am so glad that my salvation does not depend on me. I am so thankful for men who gaves their lives so that I can read the Bible in my own laguage. I am so thankful for the Great Exchange, Christ's righteousness for my sin.

"They thought that if they did enough good things, that God would would be happy with them, that He would save them, let them know Him. Can we EVER be good enough to make up for our sin?"

"No!" Micah answers quickly, "We have to believe God and trust Him that he died for ours sins."

Maybe that is what made me cry. How I thank the Lord for my soft-hearted boy. How I pray the Holy Spirit would hold him close and teach him. How glad I am that his salvation doesn't depend on me, my actions, my teaching, but rests only in the capable hands of my great God.

(written and left unfinished on the eve of halloween, 2012)

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Sin

"O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?" I could have said this some weeks ago, as I stood in my kitchen whisper shouting at my husband, "I hate me, I hate me, I hate me! I don't KNOW what to do, it's me, my fault and I HATE me!"

I thought, maybe that night, maybe another near it, that maybe I needed to check in somewhere and get some counseling- that the level of dissappointment and animosity that I felt toward myself certainly couldn't be healthy. So, I put that on my to do list for later. . . maybe.

And in the meantime, I've continued my pursuit of maturity. . . but now more than ever by seeking out a biblical understanding of sanctification. Because, SANCTIFICATION has seemed so impossibly far out of my reach that I have begun to doubt my salvation. My Salvation. My relationship with Jesus, with the Father through Him . . . is the Holy Spirit dwelling in me? In ME? And I could be so wretched?

Paul says in 2 Corinthians, "Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine. Test yourselves. Surely you know that Jesus Christ is among you; if not, you have failed the test of genuine faith." It is right to soberly examine yourself. It right to encourage others to do so, "You must warn each other every day, while it is still "today," so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God." So, I've examined. I won't mine that out for you, but I landed time and again on the same old GLORIOUS truth: God sent his Son to save sinful people. How? Simply by believing that He did, that this Son died, was buried, and rose again. By trusting Him to save me because of that. Not because I am good. Not because I made a promise, said a prayer, did a deed, followed a formula. . . But because he loved me, and gave himself up for me.

But then what, I have this glorious salvation that I did nothing to earn, deserve, merit . . . Where do I go from here? Well, off in pursuit of sanctification. Of Holiness. Of Him. But, sometimes, (often) I get distracted. Like the seed in the parable, the one the weeds choked. . . entertainment, good food, children, fun, Squirrel! And suddenly I've left my Bible under the seat in the car and haven't noticed or cared. I have my own pride to nourish me for months and months because I already know the scriptures so well. Like a whitewashed tomb. And I produce the same fruit as the pharisees and the fig tree. And yet, there He is, the Holy Spirit! The same (in my understanding) Spirit of Holiness that dwelt in the Holy of Holies in the tabernacle. That Great God.

 And He says, "There's that Bible."

And I say, "Sure. But, I'd rather do this."

And He says, "That's not good for you."

And I say, "I don't care."

And He says, "Happiness, right over here."

And I say, "Misery is nice too. It gets comfy."

And He says, "Won't you do what is for your good?"

And I say, "Rebellion, rebellion, I chose rebellion for its own sake! I've always loved it, I still do."

And I choose it, the rebellion, and I quench the Holy Spirit. I ignore him, shove him away and refuse him. And He stays and He stays and He softens my heart and changes my desires. Because He is faithful and He is good and the Blood of Christ has already covered my sin, my dear rebellion, my sloth, my gluttony, my impatience, my wrath, my boasting, my arrogence, and my ridiculous, horrendous, PRIDE.

And now I can look the scripture and see me:

I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin. Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Well, look at this! The Apostle himself struggled with sin because he was a person, he loved the law, wanted to obey it,, but chose to do wrong. And, I think, BECAUSE he was in Christ he was given glimpses of his own wretchedness- He knew his sin. This great, GOOD man. (ahem, see Phil. 3) He cried out, like me: I hate me! I hate my sin! (because this is REALLY what I meant. I wasn't the least bit disgusted with my hair, weight, toe shape, personality, or abilities. But I was soooooooo DONE with my sin. Ugh!) And he sums up what he has said, I love the law, I disobey because I am in the flesh. I can still be in Christ because There is NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

And finally, because my salvation is great, I am exhorted, repeatedly, Stand Firm, Stand Firm, STAND FIRM. Don't quench the Holy Spirit, obey the commandment, Do NOT use your freedom as a covering for Sin, but to serve others! And HOW? How? If my body is still in bondage to sin, then HOW? Oh, it would be easy, if not for this body of sin. . . But, how?

Therefore, my brethren, you also were made to die to the Law through the body of Christ, so that you might be joined to another, to Him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit for God.

I am the vine, you are the branches. He that abides in me and I in him, the same brings forth much fruit, for apart from Me, you can do nothing.

Remain, abide, be joined to Christ. I assume this means to live in relationship with Him. To NOT quench the Holy Spirit. To seek Treasure in the scriptures. Jesus. . . .

phew. I think I need to go to sleep now.

Oh, and on an unrelated note:
Amy is done with potty training (I think), she is still learning her limits and what not, but she basically knows what to do, when to do it, and does it. Now. . . if we didn't have 280 diapers in her size sitting around. . .  I'm thinking maybe I should wait a year and half to do Hannah so we can use up some of these diapers!

Friday, September 28, 2012

When I grow up. . .

Micah gets excited every couple of days about being something when he is grow'en up. Most frequently it is a builder. Sometimes, an astronaut. Yesterday, he informed me that he wants to be one of those guys who digs up dinosaur bones and puts them together. I said, "Sounds like a plan." and went on with my life.

This afternoon during lunch, Micah was chatting away to his adoring audience (aren't little sisters the best?) and he says, "When I grow I want to be. . . uh. . . Hey, Mom, what did I say I want to be when I am a grow'en up?"

"A Paleontologist," I answer, wondering what sort a response this will bring.

"Oh yeah!" He says, his eyes lighting up, "I want to be one of those guys who live in the museum and put dinosaur bones together!"

He thinks for a minute and adds, ""Maybe when those guys just growed up they decided they really liked to do puzzles, so they got that job."

I love him.

Amy is on day three of actual potty training (I think I am really committed this time. . . I mean, I am. Yes.) So far today. . . No Accidents! Wow! After the nine months I spent on Micah, this is a wonderful surprise. If this continues to go well, maybe we'll do Hannah next month.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Little sleepy

Lunch today was the first picnic of 2012! At least, here in our backyard. I'm sure someone somewhere- like Australia, has had a picnic before now. Apples and grilled cheese sandwiches were eaten, old wrinkly grapes were ignored. I finally gave up and tossed them when I cleaned up after lunch. Don't tell anybody.

Hannah just fell asleep. It is 1:22 am, I put her in bed at 10:00pm. I drank some coffee at 11:00 because it looked like it would be a long night. It worked. I don't know where this child came from- except that many of my earliest memories are of everyone else sleeping. Hmm. But, I grew up in a house full of senior citizens (well, practically) and I just figured they got sleepy earlier than normal people.

At the end of March, Dad and I flew down to Missouri, drove to Arkansas, packed up Aunt Clara's apartment (or gave it away, I guess) and drove her car back up to Alaska. What a great little break from my regular life and chance to spend a little time with my Dad. We went through South Dakota and saw the farms where he grew up and met several relations I hadn't met (I tend to feel like I haven't met most of the family, but I think I have now- I think I'm only lacking 6 first cousins now!).

We had a really fun time stopping to see my closest-in-age cousin and meeting his family. I'd only met him once when he came and (apparently) stayed with us for a month or so 16 or 17 years ago. He is now all grown up with a wonderful wife and 4 beautiful kids and fervent love for the Lord, the Scriptures, and the people he Pastors.

The visiting was great, but most of the trip was DRIVING. I was a little concerned for myself, because just driving through Nebraska the last time I did it was sooooo boring. This time, I honestly can not think of a time I was bored. On the whole trip. To pass the hours, Dad and I listened to John Piper's sermon series on Romans. Well, we started to, anyway. I think we got through sermon #50. Wow. I can't recommend those enough, I've been listening to them since I got home as well.

This year, as I look ahead to have more kids some time, and to homeschooling starting this fall and to whatever other ministries God has for us as a family, I have been thinking a lot about pressing forward toward maturity. I feel like I have been pretty stagnant in that area for a long time- like maybe I'm still that young teen who never cleans her room, except now I have a whole house with small children! Time to grow up! So, there has been dieting, and scheduling attempts, and lots of emphasis on self-control, and exercise and scripture memory and what-not going on in my life with great vigor for 6 months or so. . . But this sermon series is much better for pressing on to maturity than all of those things. Knowing that salvation is indeed found in resting in my Savior, but that the obedience of Faith comes out of that and is, in fact, part of Salvation. Maybe my 1:39 am brain can't explain that right now, but it has been a great encouragement. Understanding a little more about Sanctification and the Glory of God.

Hopefully, as I continue to grow in my understanding I can be helpful to Micah as he continues to throw out questions about life in the flesh ("But Mom, I believe in Jesus, but I still sin. Why?") and the problem of Evil ("Amy, God made bees to sting"). Well, that last one may not have anything to do with Problem of Evil, but it seems related to me.

School-wise: I'm thinking a lot about year-round school. I'm questioning whether Sonlight is really the right way to go, and whether the Wise-Bauer lot wouldn't be better. I'm wondering what in the world to do for phonics- I've decided Teach Your Child To Read in 100 Easy Lessons will be left to collect dust on a shelf.  I think the artificial text (with combination sounds like th and ing presented as one unit) wasted our time. Micah reads well within their typeset, but does not recognize these sounds outside of the book. Right now we are playing with Reading Eggs until the free trial runs out, since Micah enjoys this and I'm not sure what else to do. The curriculum fair is in less than a week, though! Very excited to get my hands on some of this stuff!

I love Amy. I over heard her telling Micah today, "I don't like it when people are hurt. It makes me sad." I pray her heart stays soft.

Oops. Coffee wore off, goodnight.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Typical

Today I presented the children with a mixed plate of both PB&J and PB&Honey sandwiches, and apples. Amy and Hannah ate the apples. I've been wondering if Hannah is eating enough lately. I plan to up my offerings to her, to make sure she is at least getting the chance to eat enough- I suspect it is just one of those light times. And she nurses for ever at night, so maybe she just isn't hungry after consuming a quart of breast milk.

This morning Micah kept postponing breakfast in favor of more Nintendo. After he insisted he wasn't hungry 2 hours after waking up, I insisted that the Nintendo go off for the rest of the day. He was sad for a little while, but then I unintentionally (he over-heard, so I had to explain) opened up a conversation about some kids who died because they didn't eat, drink, or go potty because they just kept playing video games AND THEY DIED. I don't know that this actually happened, I was just repeating details as I was told the story on the phone. Micah was suitably disturbed by this. He told me later that sometimes he stops to eat and go potty. Drinking has never been big on his "to do" lists.

Amy started saying Micah's name early last summer (2011), but it has always come out a little more like "Matter" than MI-cuh. Early last summer (2011) Micah began insisting to Amy that his name is MI-cuh, not MAT-ter. Her pronunciation is improving all the time and Micah reported the other day that Amy said his name!!!!!!  Poor girl finally got some credit.

Hannah's new super power, as of today, is being able to remove her jammies. She has been living in jammies because I just don't like the idea of potting training a baby. It seems like more work than it would be worth. Now that jammies are no longer an obstacle, I guess I will let her exhaust her interest. She sat on the potty 4 or 5 times today, culminating in her last request, to "go po-tty" after I'd been trying for a while to get her to sleep.

"No," I said, as I wrestled her for control of the jammy zipper, "It's time to sleep. All done pottying today." I finally let her sit on it fully clothed. When I sat back down to nurse her, she was stinky. Should have let her remove the diaper, who'd a thunk. . .

She is also started to ask for help, instead of fussing. Today was filled with many cries of "Helpy you! Helpy you!" I quickly determined that she was not asking to help me. Oh well.

Micah and Amy played and played and played. And then I busted out the new dress ups from g-ma Retha, while I was on the phone. Not sure why I don't take many pictures of these things- although, my kids do move fast. Enjoying the italics this evening.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Not sure if I'm coming or going. . .

Scrambled eggs for lunch today. I aspired to something much greater, but never got going well enough to manage muffins. . . the applesauce was done in time for a 'treat' after the scrambled eggs though. What we will have for dinner or bring to potluck tomorrow is beyond me. And I'm very thankful right now that we always stop and buy breakfast on the way to church. It may not be healthy or cost effective, but it is a huge blessing to this mama!

Micah has been busy proving that he is his father's son. He can finally focus enough to follow directions and read well enough to navigate and so, the video game playing has begun! I never realized there were so many skills involved in nintendo: taking turns, following directions, paying attention, timing. . . . blah blah blah. Surprised me, watching Micah get the knack of all these things.

Amy must have had a big developmental leap during Sunday School last week, since she spent the afternoon at Aunty Val's house writing her name and tracing her hand. She read the word sam today. I was impressed. I find my children impressive. But not at potty training. Sadly.

Hannah would like some attention now.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

A new huggy Amy

Today Micah and company had Peanut Butter and Jelly bites, and chopped veggies for lunch. The veggies were a hit, the sandwiches, not so much. Apparently smalled is not always better. I have promised bigger sandwiches in the future.

Amy asked me to carry (hold) her and I obliged, commenting on my happiness at having a new huggy girl. "Not a new GIRL, a new huggy AMY, Mom!"

Amy, like her grandparents, does not care for nicknames. I was named Julie, so that no one would call me Julie for short. I see something like that in Amy's future.

Micah read a story on the computer today for school. He tired of it a page or two from the end, but did well over all. We stopped Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons at lesson 75 or so. I set the timer and bribed him with something to do his reading quickly. . . it worked, but seemed very wrong, considering he is 4 and this the only formal learning we are doing. I thought it would be best to back way off and just do fun things to reinforce what he has already learned- his favorite this week is a quizzing game. I pull cards off of our Alphabet/Memory deck and ask questions about what is on the card. Whoever answers correctly first keeps the card. Amy gets a little frustrated, but I'm learning ways to give her an edge each time we play. They were pretty even by the time we quit last night.

Amy loves to do Micah's school. She is about 7 lessons into the book, but I've relaxed it up a lot for her. Sometime we do half the lesson, sometimes a third of it. Basically we stop when she is done. But she is always very excited whenever she see an s, or an m.

Hannah's favorite song is the ABC song. We are trying to teach her to take turns so she can play memory with us, but she isn't buying it. She may have to wait until the end of summer before she can play those games with us.